Who’s a little failure then?

Well, that would be me. I have completely and utterly failed at Creative Pact 2011. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do it – I really, really did, but the insanity was looming large, and then we went to Spain, and then there was a bit more insanity. I’m back to normal now and working on Carrion Comfort again, but it came too late, alas, to salvage my Creative Pact credibility.

However, progress has been made and I am well into the second half of the piece now. I’m encountering some issues though of not being entirely sure where I’m going. I can feel the length of the piece. I can feel how I want it to match up with the intensity map of the poem I painted some time ago:

Poem intensity map for Carrion Comfort

So I can feel the bones of it, as it were, but I just can’t seem to push it forward. It feels like trying to speak without having language and being reduced to waving my hands in the air because the concept I want to express is completely abstract and I can’t even use simple gestures to explain it.

I suspect that part of the problem may be the scope of this piece. I’m just not used to dealing with something of this size. I’m not talking about duration – it’s still only a couple of minutes long – but about the complexity, textural depth, and the sheer number of tonal colours and elements I’m handling. I keep making attempts at working in piano score to try to keep away from all these bits which are confusing me, but I can’t seem to get it right.

(and just then, looking at the map, I had an idea of how it could end. With a bit of luck this might guide me through in the next few days).

So it’s lurking a little at the moment, but I keep coming back to it. I’m definitely doing better work when I’m at the V&A members’ room – must be being out of the house, I think – fresh atmosphere, the purposefulness of going to a specific place to work, plus the added incentive that I don’t take my power cord, so once the laptop battery dies, that’s it for the day…

As I’ve been working on this one piece for so long now too, I’m beginning to feel quite strongly that I need to work out how to actively work on two pieces at once. I can manage to compose one while planning another, but having notes on the go for two separate projects isn’t really something I’ve managed to do yet. Must practice, I guess.

Looking forward to making some progress tomorrow.

Oh! PS. I put in my application to study for an MMus at Trinity Laban yesterday! Trying not to get too excited – first there’s putting in my scores and support material, then there’s finding out if they even want me to audition. It’s got a way to go before it’s a done deal, but I’m just really glad I’ve done it. Yay me.